Is it still hump day if I'm not at work?

Hunter put on his country club best (please note the pastel argyle outfit in the photo below) and we hung out on my dear friend's deck by the lake for the morning. Hunter had milk and a nap and I had homemade bread with almond butter, fresh fruit, and good conversation.   

I then left these two buddies to have some man time while I got my hair done. I realized somewhat abruptly, although I write about it within almost every blog post, that I return to work quite soon and should perhaps get the hair fixed up. I am now quite brilliantly blonde again after my hair turned dark brown, fine black, during pregnancy. I am scheduled to return next week for a trim as I haven't had one since the horror of cutting off all of my hair in November 2012. 

I've was asked today if I've been playing the piano or exercising. No to the first and on occasion to the second. I have no plans of adding the first to my life anytime soon, but I long to get a work out routine somewhere in the mix. I've found eating to be quite difficult lately in that the desire to indulge is strong. Jared and I continue to be on somewhat of a vacation status what with the frequent Birmingham trips, beach trip, visitors, and family out of school for the summer. It's been fun to enjoy meals out and meals in complete with homemade ice cream and cookies. Also, I must admit that I find it difficult to stop eating something part way through because it just tastes so dang good. Plus, I've never known hunger like I have in pregnancy and breastfeeding. My hope is that the return to work will bring a return to some routine with food. We agreed tonight to experiment with the timing of dinner as Hunter's evening "witching hour" falls around suppertime. I'm often shoveling in my meal while trying to breastfeed or soothe a crying baby. It does not lend to a mindful meal and I end up wanting something to eat after putting him to bed-almost as though I've forgotten that we've eaten already. This is a learning process and the curve continues to be quite steep at times, namely at all times. 

I'm finding that I want many things in life. I want to be a stay-at-home mother and I want to work. I want to be needed by my child and I want the freedom to meet my own needs and desires at any time. There is such sacrifice in motherhood and I'm finding that I'm often a selfish person. Maybe that's harsh though. I think it's really just a tough adjustment to go from being totally flexible with the ability to get many things done in a day to having a dependent child whose needs triumph most every time. I always feel the need to write, "but it's worth it" because that's true and also because I don't want anyone to think poorly of me. However, I think most every mother out there gets what I'm saying.