More on grieving...

I've made lists of things that have helped my family and me during the grief process. Here are some other tidbits I've found along the way.

Keep the obituary handy. It has so much valuable information listed. Such as...

The birthday of the deceased. This is an important one to each family member.
Dad's birthday was such a sad day and it was easily forgotten and overlooked because we weren't celebrating a living, breathing human being. We were celebrating a life lived well and lost early. Our family friend, Marie, did a beautiful job on Dad's birthday. She called my mother up a few days in advance and asked her out to dinner "to celebrate Nevin's life." I thought that was such a gracious way to be present and celebratory while acknowledging mother's grief.

The wedding anniversary. This is an important one to the spouse left behind.
Mom and Dad's anniversary is next Tuesday March 12 and to be perfectly honest, I'm dreading that day living with mom. It's going to be a hard day for her. I can't even imagine. Dedicate flowers at the church, do a celebratory meal, send a great photo of the couple.

The anniversary of death. 
I totally missed the sixth month anniversary and I learned that this milestone was really important to mom. The year mark is easier to remember and I'm sure I'll feel the pain on that day.

I think it's important to show up during the acute time of immediate grief, but I think it's been lovely to have people just pop up and say that they're still thinking of and acknowledging the pain. Do a meal 8 months later, send flowers randomly, cards are always good, a box of candy on Valentine's day to a spouse left behind is very kind.

On a different note but similar theme, I finally made my way back to the burn unit a few weeks ago and tried to visit the nurse who did such a wonderful job taking care of Dad. Unfortunately, she wasn't working that day, but I'll try to see her again. I found it funny though that I couldn't find the burn unit without directions and when I showed up, it was only vaguely familiar. We weren't actually there for very long, but I didn't think it would be such a blur of color and shapes. The faces are very sharp though. I remember who I saw and talked to and the mediocre sandwich that Jared and I shared in the waiting room on our second anniversary. Not exactly romantic, yet overly so to have someone resolutely by my side at all times in this life. For this and so many other things, I am grateful.