early?

It has been a couple of days to say the least! I went to the doctor on Thursday for my check-up and was just about out the door when I asked if Hunter's growth was okay. The doctor said I was measuring fine, but that perhaps we should do an ultrasound just to check on him since my last one was at 32 weeks when I was measuring a little bit small. So, I headed over for an ultrasound and then went on my merry way home. The doctor called me while I was driving home and said that Hunter is measuring a little bit small and that I should come back to the hospital to be induced. She then backed off and said we should do a non-stress test (monitoring) at the hospital on Saturday and then return to her office on Monday morning for another ultrasound. In the meantime, she said to skip work on Friday and sit around weekend like "a lady of luxury." (Sidenote: I am the worst person in the world to tell to sit around for three days. There's really nothing I'd rather do less than sit around. Especially when I know a baby is headed my way and I need to clean, grocery shop, pack, and wrap up every loose end I've been accumulating over the last six months!)

I went home feeling quite anxious. I always have questions about thirty minutes after talking to a doctor (The doctor once told me not to be afraid to ask questions. It's not that I'm afraid! It just takes me a little bit to process, sort through the information, and formulate the questions.) so I spoke with the on-call doctor who was just lovely, patient, and kind and who explained IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) and how to do kick counts and how to generally just chill out. I am very lucky to have been referred to a practice with staff who are overall just patient, kind, and available.

The doctor called back on Friday and told me to go ahead and come to the hospital for a non-stress test. So, Jared and I headed to Baptist where we hung out with Hunter and listened to his heartbeat until the doctor arrived (on her day off) to talk to us. I'd been feeling very anxious because she just wasn't seeming to make up her mind (induce, wait, monitor Saturday, no Friday) and kept wanting my opinion. The face-to-face conversation was wonderful and helped Jared and me understand her concerns, but also her desire to wait for Hunter to be born as long as possible. We agreed to have me monitored on Saturday and Sunday as needed for my comfort and to see her again on Monday for another ultrasound and conversation.

It was exhausting communicating all of this to family and trying to keep everyone updated. Warren, Jackie and their boys left for Hawaii today and Brad, Jen, and their boys left for Paris today. Mom decided against going to Hawaii in order to be around for a potential baby birth.

I've had a sense of anxiety since Thursday trying to make sure that I'm feeling Hunter move (even in the middle of the night) so that I won't miss any distress signals. I also realized what I tremendous loss the NICU mothers must feel over losing so many weeks of their pregnancies. I didn't realize how attached I was to April 15 and the desire to work until then and have time to wrap things up at work and sign off and hand off seamlessly. I didn't realize how many friends I wanted to grab tea or a walk with one more time before the baby. I'm sad to say that I've gotten a bit lazy during the pregnancy (and perhaps adulthood) with making it through work and then just wanting to come back to my own house and cook something tasty and have a rest. Yes, I've been blogging and cooking up yummy foods, but I suddenly felt the need today to paint, craft, create, work out, run around with friends, participate in a hobby, go to church, join a club, and read a book. I wanted to invite a bunch of people over for a great meal and conversation. There are so many things I want to do and should have made time for, but didn't in the midst of life. All of those feelings and only about three weeks before my due date! I have a co-worker whose child was born at 26 weeks and she shared her grief over losing an entire trimester of pregnancy and time.

As difficult as it's been for me to enjoy pregnancy at times, I did think to myself, No! I'm not ready to not be pregnant! One, it's been a wonderful conversation opener at work. I've gotten to talk to so many nurses and co-workers about their children and their childbirth experiences. There are some things that just open the door to conversation and pregnancy is one of them! Two, I've gotten a lot of compliments on my clothing and my look. I really do like some attention and the pregnancy attention can be quite fun.

Also, I realized that if my maternity leave starts Monday, then I will end my 16 weeks of time off with a return-to-work date of July 21 - my birthday. Bummer and a half! I was attached to the idea of working and then being off until August.

I know the goal is healthy mom and healthy baby and everything will fall into place as long as those objectives are met. Jared and I have gotten an outpouring of support and it's such a reminder that I need to be supportive and kind to those around me.

Thanks for reading along while I process!