What day is it today?

How's it going? 

This is the hardest thing I've ever done. The absolute hardest. I read books about a healthy pregnancy, I read information about caring for an infant, I gathered the supplies, I basked in the coming delight of a son. I had no idea how hard it would be. I think it's one of those things where you really do have to live through it to understand what people are talking about. I had women at work tell me that they were more tired than they could have imagined being, that it was more stressful than they thought possible. Yes, yes, yes, and yes. It is all consuming, all tiring, and all stressful. My type A personality doesn't help either in that I want to do things right, I want to continue engaging with others, I want to make it seem like this is easy for me, I want my house to be clean while breastfeeding and pumping up extra food for Hunter for when I return to work, I want to be a calm, sweet wife, I want to quit worrying that he's going to stop breathing while I sleep and that I will lose him forever, I want to have enough time between feeds and diaper changes to sing songs, do tummy time, and read stories, I want to not be frustrated with Scout when she gets excited for a walk and shares a bark to tell me and wakes up the baby, I want to have a schedule that makes sense again, I want to delight in each breastfeed and shared closeness with my child instead of feeling exhausted and tied down, I want to desire engaging with my child on an every second basis rather than wanting to watch a TV show now and then, I want to feel competent at just about anything right now. 

So, there's all that and then there's the sweet photos of the walk that we managed to take at the park and of the trip we took to Birmingham for Easter weekend.

And so, it's life and motherhood.