Gratitudes

There are so many things for which I am grateful today.

I am grateful that my brother Brandon's birthday party was on Saturday July 14 and Dad and I got to dance one last time to the Craig Duncan band. I am grateful that we asked for one last song and we closed out the night with 'Old Time Rock n' Roll.'

I am grateful that Brad asked me to sing for Dad that night and I sang 'Sixty/Seventy Candles' to the tune of 'Sixteen Candles.' This is the same song that I sang for dad at his sixtieth birthday party almost 10 years ago. We had been to a funeral on Saturday afternoon for a dear family friend and I was sitting in the service thinking about what I would want different people to know prior to separation. As I was singing to Dad on Saturday night, I remember thinking that the lyrics to the song captured exactly what I would want Dad to know about how I felt about him.

I am grateful that we shot skeet at the farm on Sunday morning and made good memories prior to the tragedy at the farm on Monday.

I am grateful that the detective called Warren's phone and Warren answered while at work although he never answers his phone at work.

I am grateful that my phone was sitting on my desk so that I could quickly get off of the work call and return her call.

I am grateful that Jared was willing to leave work immediately and drive me home as I wasn't in any shape to drive nor willing to obey the speed limit.

I am grateful that my brother's best friend was willing to take Scout from us immediately at the hospital so that we didn't waste any time getting to family.

I am grateful that the palliative care doctor was excellent and lead us in good discussion about end of life issues.

I am grateful that my family was united in willingness to allow Dad to die as his quality of life could not be maintained.

I am grateful that the medical team was able to decrease Dad's sedation so that we could talk to him and interact with our eyes and tell him goodbye.

I am grateful for the presence of Pastor Frank, senior pastor of First Baptist Nashville whose presence was unobtrusive, calming, steady, and genuine.

I am grateful that Dad's rings were returned to us.

I am grateful for dad's nurse, Jessica, who knew us each by name, called my father by name when treating him, and cried at his death.

I am grateful that Warren, Brandon, and I each have a good partner whose support was so very necessary.

I am grateful that I did not come home alone yesterday, but rather had Jared and Scout.

I am grateful for the honesty of children in facing the hurting and saying something kind and true.

I am grateful that my father did not die nor be buried on my wedding anniversary or birthday.

I am grateful that Jared's father and my father died on the same day, July 18, twenty-one years apart.

I am grateful that the military cemetery is more beautiful than I could have imagined.

I am grateful that the train whistle blew for a long time just moments before beginning the military ceremony.

I am grateful that the train whistle blew again as I was looking at the remains of Dad's truck at the farm on Sunday.

I am grateful that my husband wanted to keep my father's toenail clippers letting me know that he misses my father too and it's the little things that represent him to us.

I am grateful that I keep mentioning my father as if he's here. It hurts when I recognize that I can't email him as I mentioned just yesterday, but it let's me know that he is still a part of my waking and breathing.

I am grateful that the two services for Dad were full of dignity, beauty, and honor.

I am grateful that I am only dealing with grief and not grief and rage as the families in Colorado must be.

I am grateful that I mourn for what is lost to me and not for that which I never had.

My father was a good man and loved many people and treated everyone well. I am grateful that I got to be special to him.