You've got to jump at some point.

Today I am grateful to have noticed the stars. I spend time wandering around the backyard as of late waiting for Scout to sniff around and find her spot. I have been witness to the most glorious sunsets, sunrises, bright stars, and the first frost covering my petunias and killing my basil plant. I have actually noticed the temperature as it brought either sweat, chill bumps, or a great exhale from my lungs. I may complain about taking Scout out at times, but it has been a great blessing in my life. Quick reprieves from the quickness and busyness and harriedness and other 'nesses' of life. For this, I am grateful.

I am also grateful for the past three day weekend. I felt like I found myself again. I started really laughing again and I engaged in true conversation with my husband without thinking about Bradford and patients and feeling distracted. I relaxed and worked out and laughed and read a book and longed to start painting again. I moved to the extended care program last November. I have never loved the position of family counselor, but life has had its distractions. I got engaged in January and started planning a wedding. We bought a house and moved in April. We then bought a car and moved it into the car house with the Xterra. I got to have a half dozen partays in my honor and then got married and honeymooned it up. It wasn't until life settled back down that I again realized how much I dislike my current job. It is not a good fit for me. I love being a social worker. I am ever proud to call myself a social worker and I feel like I was called to this position with a purpose. However, this position is not ideal for me. The job comes with perks and I keep trying to focus on those, but I end up sad and lonely and distracted much of the time in spite of my efforts to change my thinking. So, perhaps the job is just not for me. I gave it a good year chance. It took me awhile to figure out why it was miserable, then okay for months, and then miserable again. Well, I guess an engagement, wedding, marriage, house, car, and family drama would keep anyone from focusing wholeheartedly on the job at hand. I fully intend to move on from Bradford in the near future. That is terrifying to me though. I don't have anywhere yet that I'm heading and I like a plan. I do well with plans. Especially now that I'm an adult with bills. However, I don't want to stay stuck forever. And, as Jared said recently, "You've got to jump at some point." I remember this super cheesy quote from junior high years that I wrote in my Bible. I was ever so into quotes at that time and had quote books in which I wrote down wonderful things that I read. Actually, I guess I still do that-it's just on the blog now. Anyway, it said something along the lines of, "When we walk to the edge of everything we know and step off, we trust that there will either be something solid for us to stand on or God will teach us to fly." I'm banking on that, cheesy or not.