I did it. I said no to an invitation so I could spend time by myself. It apparently can be done. I am smiling as I write this. Today has been really good and I have another 5 hours to spend alone before I hit the sack. I just got back from the park. I took my journal, my favorite pen, and an apple and chilled out underneath one of my favorite trees for awhile. It was so nice. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it, but I am determined to create more time like this in my life. No one quit being my friend because I didn't spend the afternoon with him/her. The world did not fall apart without me. Instead, I am feeling more grounded, more loving, more whole. I made a deposit of love and care into myself. I like it. A lot. I'm thinking about working on a new painting, eating a simple dinner, watching a little superbowl, maybe reading a little bit.
I went to church this morning. I pretty much hated it. One of the songs was good and the rest I daydreamed through. It's a funny time right now. The more spiritual I feel, the more connected I feel to God, the more I pray, the less I want to go to church right now. And I want to be okay with that for now.
I have about 50 volumes of written journals from first grade up until now. It's fun to go back and read various entries. I just read an entry from after I broke up with Jeremy. I wrote about thinking I was not going to survive the heartache and now here I sit. The heart and soul is pretty amazing. Somehow time and patience and love heals wounds in a way I cannot describe or figure out. And I will not try to figure it out.
1 comment:
you are ok, just the way you are, always have been and always will be. end of story. Keep depositing into the bank of you. I think it is a brilliant idea.
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