Pineapple birthday

Happy birthday to me! 

Happy birthday to me! 

Happy birthday to MEEEEEEE! (hits a piercing falsetto note)

Happy birthday to me! 

Today is my 7th pineapple birthday. Thank goodness for my sweet friend, Teri, who was kind enough to remember and text me or I would have completely forgotten! If I still worked in the office next to her, she would have even brought a pineapple to me at work. 

Seven years without bulimia! Sweet beautiful bliss. However, I admit that in the wake of losing Dad, moving to Nashville, living with my mother, and having a miscarriage, I have lost some weight. Food manipulation is apparently still a go-to coping skill even without realizing it at times. I also admit that it's still difficult to gain weight. I can eat enough to maintain once I'm mindful of it, but eating the extra calories to put on pounds still messes with my mind. I also like to be in a position of needing to gain a little weight because it's like a permission slip to eat what I want when I want. I eat healthfully most of the time, but then feel like I don't have to worry about the chic-fil-a or hamburger or dessert. But, maybe "normal" people don't worry about that anyway. Maybe there are women out there who just eat what they want until they get full and then move on to the next activity. Maybe there are women out there who experience food around life and have never worried about life around food. Maybe. What I do know to be true is that there is more freedom now than there used to be. That change is slow and gradual and painful and freeing. That I need to grant patience to those who are slowly moving along their journey instead of sticking to my timetable. 

Back to bulimia though, I've only thrown up a few times since my original "sobriety" date from bulimia. Once was in Honduras right after my first pineapple birthday when I got quite sick on a hike. I eventually barfed up a mango and felt better! I threw up from morning sickness on the morning I discovered that I had miscarried. That was bummer too. Throwing up in general just stinks and I'm glad it's not a part of my daily life any more. 

In other news, Amy Brown's parents came over for dinner on their way through Nashville. Reagin officiated the wedding ceremony for Jared and me and has a beautiful way with words. I'm always glad when he offers to bless the food (and I'm always amazed that anyone wants to be a pastor, what a difficult job mixing feelings, religion, and politics) and tonight I was not disappointed. 

"Thank you, God, for our children's friends and our children's friends who become our friends." 

Amen to friends through friends. Let my circle grow ever larger.