Colors of the flames

There are times I miss Dad so acutely. Once, we were in Venice in the evening at Plaza San Marco. The weather was perfect, cool and crisp. Jared and I were eating gelato and listening to a musical trio of violin, bass, and accordion. All of my senses were enticed and the only thing lacking was a good dance with my father. I missed him terribly in those moments. He had paid for the trip and had asked his doctor to keep him alive until we had made it home from wandering around Europe.

Yesterday, another wave of grief hit. I was in Hallmark shopping for a Christmas present for my mother-in-law. Snoopy from Peanuts was everywhere. I had totally forgotten that Hallmark does a bang up job of selling cute Peanuts stuffed animals and accessories around Christmas time. Dad and I used to buy each other Snoopy and Woodstock stuffed animals. He had a little Woodstock key chain for me in a gift that was ready to be sent before he died. Dad and I exchanged all sorts of trinkets. We loved M&M toys, Snoopy and Woodstock toys, and Pinocchio figures. Dad had a fairly good size pile of "stuff" next to the bed and Mom didn't care for the clutter!

Jared, Melissa, Josh, and I had a fire in the woods last night. It was a nice fire on a cold night. I have mixed emotions about fire. I still love fire and it's enticing beauty and warmth. However, I have a decent fear of it's power and sometimes get overwhelmed with sadness when I stare into the colors of the flames.

As Jared and I move and I face many changes, I long for a good conversation with Dad. He had good ideas and was always a stabilizing compass.