weekends

Praise the Lord for weekends. This week was just awful. Straight from hell and back. But, it's over, I made it, I took it hour by hour, and now two blissful days off. Next week, it'll be four crazy days and then Michelle comes for a visit and I'm taking Friday off of work! Woot woot. Then, two weeks until cruise time. I cannot wait for the cruise. You can't get in touch with someone on a cruise and I'm just going to delight in the bliss of disappearing for two weeks. I'm going to sleep well instead of this fitful, irritated sleep. I'm going to eat good food instead of scouring the fridge for leftover meals. I'm going to actually interact meaningfully with my husband instead of the minute here and there conversations that we are getting these days between are mixed up work schedules. I am going to be outside as much as possible instead of stuck in the four walls of my office. I am going to let my heart feel the grief over dad as it needs to because I don't have to suck it up and head to work and lead another session helping others heal and grow and change. I am going to take photos and read and journal and sleep and cry and laugh and dance and explore new parts of Europe.

We buried dad one month ago today. It doesn't seem possible that it was a month ago. It feels bad that life has just gone on without him. I didn't expect the whole world to stop and change, but somehow I feel that my life should have stopped. But, it didn't get to. Life kept going and I kept going with it. It feels like cheating on Dad in a way. I miss him terribly this week. I keep forgetting that he's dead. We are going to Nashville this weekend and I remembered that Warren would be in Utah, but I couldn't remember why dad wouldn't be at home. Then, bam, reality all over again in this weird, sad, funny-in-an-awkward-sort-of-way. I can remember hundreds of things during a day and forget all over again that my daddy isn't going to be home because he died. Oh, grief.