ill

I'm doing it. I'm reconnecting with people. Yesterday was a success. I spoke with Jackie. I emailed my nephew. I talked to Natalie. I went to a birthday party. I met Jared and a friend for lunch. Today, I feel totally bitchy and blah. Thank goodness for Jared. He can handle an up day or a down day with ease and always simply asks what he can do to be helpful. He is an excellent listener and brought up sweet old memories after lunch. However, I just feel ill. It feels like a chain of events of yuck. My food fell apart this week after about 3.5 good weeks. I made it through the crisis only to overindulge during the heaviness that settled in with the exhaustion.  Then, an extra day of work combined with the sadness I felt at the birthday party topped with a night of horrific dreams of violence, mistakes, and near-death encounters. Jared and I have been watching a new show, Longmire, which is interesting and entertaining. Unfortunately, the show started last night showing a barn on fire with the horses inside panicking as death crept closer. I ran out of the room and Jared quickly changed the channel to something ever neutral-the olympics. I'm sure the emotion, the late night snack, and the horrible images prompted the nightmares. So, there it is. Just an ill feeling. I got some pictures printed out today and ordered a new camera bag. I also dipped the paintbrushes in the paint today after months and months of absence. A ruby throated hummingbird is on the way. I'm trying today to do something because I don't want to do anything, not nap, not read, not watch TV, nothing, which is frustrating for someone who loves doing everything in life. I'm headed over to hang out with Jared and the jeep crew as they work on the jeep. I just had to pick something and that is the something.